How I Stopped Denying My Gifts
The power and joy of honoring my whole self
“What if everything you’ve been conditioned to deny about yourself was actually your gift?”
Conditioned.
Deny.
Gift.
My friend and energy healer, Sarah, asked me this question back in 2019. And—it broke me open.
I was perimenopausal, working from home, homeschooling three pubescent tweens and teens, and trying to figure out how to push through the overwhelm that was swirling around me.
As someone who has navigated depression (postpartum and, I guess, just the plain ol’ run-of-mill kind, if that’s such a thing), I’ve had to unravel so much conditioning. So much denying.
Younger me didn’t realize this at all.
When you’re a rule-following-people-pleaser-do-the-exact-right-next-thing kinda person, you just wrap yourself up in that persona and move forward with the kind of confident energy that makes everything seem okay.
Conditioned.
Deny.
Gift.
Gift Giving with Abandon
So, I started to wonder about these “gifts” and how I could place them front and center instead of stashing them in my heart’s closet or under the proverbial bed.
My gift of empathy.
My gift of conversation.
My gift of creativity.
My gift of sensitivity.
My gift of connection.
My gift of space holding.
My gift of humor.
My gift of curiosity.
My gift of integrity.
My gift of words.
When I started to embrace these traits, I felt the fog begin to clear. I didn’t have to keep playing small or playing it safe.
Creativity, space holding, writing—these weren’t back-burner projects or things I should tend to when all the other things were done.
Turning to my gifts, leaning into them, letting myself be fully nourished by them—this was the way forward.
5 Ways to Reconnect with Your Gifts
The clarity and wisdom that comes with midlife is both welcoming and, if I’m being honest, a bit startling.
Like, “Oh, hello! Where have you been for the last two (or three) decades?”
Over the last year, I’ve been dropping into my five main senses for self-care purposes.
I then got curious (a gift) and wondered how I could do something similar to reconnect with other gifts and parts of myself. It’s become a simple and creative practice.
Choose one gift to reconnect with and begin to explore it over the next few weeks.
Here are some ideas and questions to get you started:
Sight: What colors represent this gift? How would your posture change if this gift were fully expressed? Place a visual reminder in your space that honors this aspect of yourself.
Sound: How would your voice change if this gift were fully expressed? Find music that embodies this quality or create a phrase that supports it.
Touch: Where do you feel this gift in your body? What textures or movements help you connect with it? Try a simple gesture that embodies this quality.
Taste: What flavors remind you of this aspect of yourself? Create a small ritual around a food or drink that honors this gift.
Smell: Which scents help you connect with this denied aspect? Use an essential oil or natural aroma that evokes this quality.
Spring into Your Gifts
There’s no denying the spring energy that’s in the air. With it being a time of renewal, rebirth, and rediscovery, now is a wonderful time to celebrate yourself and your unique gifts.
Here’s another haiku.
A gift, my gift, from me, to you.
I'm walking into a new season of my life. Thankfully, it's spring.
What gift will you reconnect with this month? Share in the comments below.
Vanessa 🦋
P.S. I’ve been sharing this quote on Instagram each International Women’s Day since 2019. A yearly reminder of how important it is to embrace our gifts and reclaim our creativity, energy, and joy.
Gift Giving with Abandon! ❤️🥂